InDepth

How to cheat-proof your marriage, according to science

Return To Article
Add a comment
  • Boyd in Provo , 00
    April 17, 2017 8:53 a.m.

    I'm in complete agreement with ImaUteFan. There is too much temptation with many forms of social media and so many individuals single or married don't want to acknowledge the dangers of them. So they keep on doing what feels good to them. Strong relationships can do without the constant barrage of social media.

  • Fullypresent Salt Lake City, UT
    April 16, 2017 9:33 p.m.

    There are some people that will cheat regardless of what their spouse or partner does to help prevent it. There are others that go to get lengths to avoid their weaknesses in order to stay faithful. They make a conscious choice every day to be faithful. There is temptation everywhere you go so it has to be a personal and conscious choice someone makes every day to be faithful.

  • worf McAllen, TX
    April 16, 2017 9:14 p.m.

    LOU Montana, you're a great example of someone who believes, and is informed by the media.

    I doubt if things are much different now then nearly twenty years ago, but who knows. More liberals have moved in.

  • ImaUteFan West Jordan, UT
    April 15, 2017 12:05 p.m.

    Unfortunately with the advent of the Internet, cell phones, chat rooms, Instagram, Facebook, etc. there are many forms of infidelity these days. Cheating is no longer limited to secret meetings in a hotel room. So much of cheating now is virtual.

  • LOU Montana Pueblo, CO
    April 15, 2017 10:27 a.m.

    I had no idea infidelity was such a huge problem in Utah. Didn't seem to be that way when I lived there nearly 20 years ago.

  • skeptic Phoenix, AZ
    April 15, 2017 8:50 a.m.

    How does the examples of Joseph Smith's romantic encounters and Mormon subsequet practice of polygamy define present day Mormon sexual culture. Is it basically different from the norms of the social culture at large.

  • NoNamesAccepted St. George, UT
    April 14, 2017 8:38 p.m.

    I appreciate this article.

    The fact is, infidelity usually occurs as the culmination of many unaddressed problems and seemingly small risks.

    Interrupt those little things and you can avoid big problems.

  • DrMAN Orem, UT
    April 14, 2017 3:09 p.m.

    I am somewhat uncomfortable about the message implied this article. "Cheat-proofing" one's marriage seems to imply that (a) spouses who cheat are justified in cheating ("My spouse didn't do enough to keep me faithful"), or (b) those whose spouses cheated are responsible for those infidelities ("If I had only done more, he/she wouldn't have cheated"). This is akin to "blaming the victim," that the victim got what was coming to him or her. We don't do this to other types of victims (e.g., a rape victim doesn't deserve to be raped because he/she was wearing certain clothing, frequenting certain places, doing certain things, etc.). A cheater is ALONE responsible for his/her cheating, not his/her partner for failing to do the things that would have "prevented" the cheating. Cheaters make active, deliberate choices to be cheaters and spouses/partners should not play the game of "if I had only" nor blame themselves for others' choices or actions.

  • Delusion_FTL Salt Lake City, UT
    April 14, 2017 2:48 p.m.

    May get some flak for this.

    Many of the ideas floated in this article are basically equivalent to wrapping your women in a Burka or Hijab, Refusing to allow women out of the house without their husbands approval, and so on.

    I think it's fine for a couple to say "Hey, I/we have a weakness with being faithful, so I/we will avoid a gym that has attractive women/men". It is not fine to say "Everyone should avoid Gym's with attractive men/women", otherwise they don't care about their marriage as much as I do.

    If VP Pence has a weakness for women and wants to avoid it by not being alone with them. Great. Looks like a handsome guy, in a position of power. Could be a good idea for him. However, there's no reason to project that onto Men as a whole or any other particular couple, nor is it appropriate to label those who have no problem with dining without a spouse as not caring as much about their marriage.

    People should take steps necessary to avoid their own personal weakness (alcohol, gambling, drugs, infidelity), but should not pretend that others who do not take the same steps are weaker, or care less about it. Everyone has different burdens.

  • amoeba South Jordan, UT
    April 14, 2017 2:01 p.m.

    In Wallerstein's book "The Good Marriage" she said we take mental photos of our spouse during courtship. During our marriage, we mentally look at those sweet photos....... especially during life's hard times. The photos give us strength, warm feelings and help us work together as a team. When someone cheats, the hurt spouse mentally destroys all those sweet mental photos. And if the couple makes up and stays married, those sweet photos are still gone. They cannot bring us pleasure or help us during the hard times. This is a serious consequence of infidelity.

  • hbeckett Colfax, CA
    April 13, 2017 1:44 p.m.

    thank you for the message